Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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