farters have to be the big spoon...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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