he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
