people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
