the only muscles i have these days is kegels
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
