someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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