One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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