i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
