You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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