She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
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I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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