You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
