Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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