Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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