Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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