Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
