I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
