I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
