It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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