Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
