if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
