And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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