well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
