I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
