I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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