i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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