Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize