? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
