the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
