i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
