If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
