btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
