They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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