third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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