Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
