Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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