Me. At least after what I've been through.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
