She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
