I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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