I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
