Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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