your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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