You're completely useless in the revolution.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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