I have demons in me.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
