My liver just broke up with me...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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