If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
