what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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