I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
