Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
