I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
