well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
