the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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