My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
