Texts From Last Night

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  (309): View more from Illinois

  i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!

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  (309): i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!! http://tfl.nu/asa6
  Replies (51) Good night (7140) Bad night (835)
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  (661): View more from California

  Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.

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  (661): Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple. http://tfl.nu/553h
  Replies (22) Good night (5675) Bad night (1614)
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  (707): View more from California

  At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.

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  (707): At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve. http://tfl.nu/oxx2
  Replies (3) Good night (3566) Bad night (936)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny

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  (860): Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny http://tfl.nu/2672
  Replies (9) Good night (2094) Bad night (1041)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon

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  (603): Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon http://tfl.nu/opxd
  Replies (4) Good night (1342) Bad night (817)
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  (661): View more from California

  First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.

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  (661): First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl. http://tfl.nu/e3wo
  Replies (11) Good night (854) Bad night (1461)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.

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  (812): An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw. http://tfl.nu/0rhv
  Replies (2) Good night (1084) Bad night (533)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.

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  (773): I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened. http://tfl.nu/5hv3
  Replies (11) Good night (1314) Bad night (514)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.

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  (518): Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try. http://tfl.nu/4xiu
  Replies (2) Good night (861) Bad night (438)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.

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  (970): I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat. http://tfl.nu/w7x2
  Replies (8) Good night (1207) Bad night (525)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.

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  (563): I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused. http://tfl.nu/bg7n
  Replies (6) Good night (742) Bad night (565)
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  (408): View more from California

  Dude, that was like bongs ago.

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  (408): Dude, that was like bongs ago. http://tfl.nu/4e28
  Replies (1) Good night (829) Bad night (391)
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  (212): View more from New York

  He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color

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  (212): He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color http://tfl.nu/b4a7
  Replies (4) Good night (362) Bad night (568)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".

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  (508): We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them". http://tfl.nu/eeyg
  Replies (1) Good night (648) Bad night (349)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive

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  (+61): who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive http://tfl.nu/gln7
  Replies (0) Good night (864) Bad night (365)

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