There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.