Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...

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  (269): So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night. (937): Feels good to be wearing underwear again though... http://tfl.nu/djzk
  Replies (2) Good night (3499) Bad night (567)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job

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  (847): Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job http://tfl.nu/eur1
  Replies (42) Good night (759) Bad night (4938)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.

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  (514): He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period. http://tfl.nu/yw8j
  Replies (18) Good night (627) Bad night (4656)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.

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  (806): at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap. http://tfl.nu/nba1
  Replies (20) Good night (988) Bad night (7684)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.

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  (910): I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy. http://tfl.nu/pewg
  Replies (8) Good night (1550) Bad night (4446)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.

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  (903): The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover. http://tfl.nu/9bmt
  Replies (34) Good night (4330) Bad night (1022)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.

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  (970): I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen. http://tfl.nu/rv6x
  Replies (5) Good night (688) Bad night (3860)
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  (408): View more from California

  Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape

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  (408): Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape http://tfl.nu/uzlj
  Replies (10) Good night (4030) Bad night (1450)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.

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  (520): hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint. http://tfl.nu/kgm7
  Replies (11) Good night (3426) Bad night (894)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.

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  (905): Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights. http://tfl.nu/cnu2
  Replies (4) Good night (2371) Bad night (844)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night

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  (719): Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night http://tfl.nu/la5y
  Replies (6) Good night (1438) Bad night (567)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday

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  (603): Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday http://tfl.nu/obg3
  Replies (10) Good night (1632) Bad night (445)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.

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  (301): Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited. http://tfl.nu/b9mp
  Replies (2) Good night (767) Bad night (303)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"

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  (248): I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring" http://tfl.nu/0ibn
  Replies (3) Good night (753) Bad night (271)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars

  (770): View more from Georgia

  wait nvm its a dude

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  (770): Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars (770): wait nvm its a dude http://tfl.nu/bj4y
  Replies (0) Good night (414) Bad night (345)

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