Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
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We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.