Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
