My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
