Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
