Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
