My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
