Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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