I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
