Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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