there's paper in my vomit.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize