he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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