Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
